Rationalize

If I don't go over there, I won't have to see how thin and frail she's become.
If I don't go over there, I won't have see her alone, in that bed, watching mindless tv, again like always.
If I don't go over there, I won't have to repeat stories or see and hear her blank silence when I ask a question.
If I don't go over there, I won't have to see all the medical equipment.
If I don't go over there, I won't have to witness Dad's sadness, as he sits beside her and barely speaks...particularly today, their 43rd anniversary.
If I don't go over there, I won't cry all the way home.

If I don't go over there, she could be perfectly lucid today, and I might miss having a real visit with my mom.